knewaguy | (no subject)

[ easier said than done, but - stiles doesn't argue. not because he doesn't have a response, but because he just kind of wants to believe in logan and follow his bad advice, even if his conscience won't let him. ugh. time to lay on thick layers of uncomfortable humor to get past this. ]

How around? How around.
You don't need to go into detail, but if you secretly banged a princess or a celebrity or another superhero I wouldn't know about, you are legally obligated to tell me.
I'm eighteen years old, Logan. The big one-eight. Do you know how much I've gotten around? I haven't even left the freaking parking lot.
As of this month, I am officially a grown-ass adult man who has never so much as gotten behind the wheel of a car that could get me around.
The sex car. I haven't driven the sex car. I haven't had sex. I don't know if that was clear.
I need to live vicariously through somebody else or I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

This isn't you asking for the Talk right
I told Frank he's on his own giving that to Laura so I sure as hell ain't giving it to you.

I'm also not stupid enough to give you anything to use against me when it comes to Jean.

No, no. That's covered.
I mean, that's covered. Honestly, the videos I've seen? The things I've read? I could probably teach you a thing or two.
I mean, bad things. Things you'd hate. Or, I don't know, maybe you'd be into them? Maybe letting me regale you with an epic tale of Sonic the Hedgehog oviposition is something you'd like. Maybe reading Banjo Kazooie inflation would awaken something in you. I don't know. I'm not your sex therapist. Good for you, if that's your thing.
But.
Hm.
I lost where I was going with this. This was a weird brag.

I wouldn't use anything against you when it came to Jean. I want the two of you to kiss kiss fall in love.
But fine. Be a baby.
I'll find someone else to gossip with. I don't care. I don't even like gossip. Or you. So.

Edited 2020-04-20 02:13 (UTC)

Cool.

Cool. Fine.

[ ... ]

I'm obviously not going to find someone else to gossip with.
James.
Logan.

There anything else you want to gossip about with your schoolboy crush or are we done here?

Shut up.

Wait, hold on. I do have something else. You're, like. 200, right?
Can I ask you... something? About? That?
Promise it won't devolve into any kind of Wolverine admiration. I know how bashful that makes you.

Around 198. Not 200 yet.

[Like that matters or he really knows, specifically. Still.]

Go ahead.

Cool. Okay. So.

What was it like adjusting to modern indoor plumbing?
Clean water. Sanitary bathroom usage. Showers. The works.
How monumental was that transition? Because, uh, hey - I'm guessing it was pretty freaking monumental.
I bet you had to use chamber pots growing up. I bet you still keep a chamber pot under your bed for the warm, nostalgic safety.

Of all the shit you could ask me, that's what you go with.
Nothing about wars, bombings, even color fucking tv.
You ask me if I grew up pissing in a pot instead.

That's the kind of attitude someone who grew up pissing in pots would take.

Any other questions, Stiles?

Any truth to the immortal Keanu Reeves theory? You probably knew him when he was younger, if there is.

[... No response. He needs to have a cigar rn, brb.]

[ oh my god, keanu reeves is immortal. ]

Goodnight Stiles.