knewaguy | (no subject)

you know that venn diagram of being capable of handling shit and people caring about you doesn't center on "people think you're incapable of handling shit", right?

You know you could always just start with a hi how are you

hi, how are you?

not dead yet
you?

tired

[Please be aware that this is so much more than anyone else is getting from him right now:]

goat need any new hay

probably yeah

five o'clock not too late?

how old do you think i am exactly?

[ it's not the early bird special! ]

Old enough to probably want to go clubbing or some shit, so I don't want to take up all of your time

[ that is adorably inaccurate but she doesn't dissuade him of the notion. she was going to make soup and play cards against herself again. ]

5 is fine

[Listen, you never know.]

i'll be there then

okey dokey

[ god, she really says shit like that.

once again, willa is sat outside, soaking up the sun that never seems to bring any color to her skin regardless of how long she is outside. she doesn't even burn, her skin remains milk and honey pale no matter the weather. she's listening to sixties hits on the radio, the best of the dirty dancing era.

part of her doesn't think he will even show up, but maybe he is hurt and she will be of some use to him. ]

[He shows up. On time, too, if maybe just a few minutes late - not by choice, even if his heels dragged a little. It's just how it unfolded, with him showing up with sunglasses on and a little limp to his step that's always there when she's not. And although tempting as it may be to be crawling back to her for heals and call it a selfish, shitty reason if nothing else - that's not why he's here. Hell, he doesn't even fucking know. It's like when he was ensnared by Xavier's and ended up lingering around in between bouts of getting lost. Something just stuck to him. She's something stuck.

So he's here, slow on the approach like it's going to give him more time to think about what he'll say when he gets close. She's probably still not too pleased with him but look, he's out of Arcadia. Still doing stupid shit but hey, for now they're back to those normal bubbles of time. And fuck, she listens to older shit than he does.]

How old are you exactly?

[Doesn't matter if he already knows, it's for emphasis here.]

[ willa watches his progress without comment. she's choosing not to have any comments about how he lives his stupid life because he might have a temper tantrum and flounce. she doesn't know if he could really pull off a flounce, but she's not going to risk it immediately. ]

24. My birthday was in March.

[ which is true, she's not lying about her age. she is in her twenties! sometimes she even acts her age, but mostly she doesn't because she's too tired to keep up the pretense of being a normal young woman when she doesn't have to here. she's not even the weirdest person around. ]

I just happen to have been 24 a few times before.

Huh.

[Said more like I see but in fewer words - same essence, y'know? There's always been something off about her but who's he to say anything, he's nearing the 200s. They're all fucking weird around here. He doesn't know what to say next on account of being a dumbass and also just antisocial, so he stares for a beat. Tries to drum something up.]

Where's the goat.

Probably trying to get into the garden to eat all the veggies.

[ it's fenced off so mena won't eat the vegetables, but that doesn't mean the goat is going to stop trying. goats are voracious and she ate enough of the hay in the last month that it fell to the ground, rope hanging from the tree forlornly, so now she's moved on to veggies that willa won't let her eat. ]

You can sit own, I don't bite.

Not too sure of that lately.

[Not too serious, little edge of humor, because everybody's really been ringing his bell about his choices lately. And out of all of them, she's probably the only one he thinks might actually sock him one if needed so he'd like to avoid that. Would like to appease the lady. He'll start doing so by shifting over, sitting down slowly - the ache is most obviously back in his body.]

If I bit, you'd enjoy it.

[ the urge to reach out and just slap him to heal him is real strong but willa manfully refrains until she is asked. he's not one of her knights who don't get a choice in the matter and she doesn't want to ultimately run him off. so she will wait until he gives in and she won't even gloat about it. ]

Was your mission successful?

[There's a grumble for an answer, but he does sit and slope a little in his chair. It's very I'd rather not talk about it because of how everything's gone down but. Instead he stares forward for a long beat, before looking across and over to her.]

I'm probably back looking at rentals sooner than later.

You're welcome to... [ she gestures at the shed, sliding her sunglasses over her eyes again and leaning back in her chair. her hand rests lightly on the arm of the chair, inviting, like he can heal himself if he'd like.

she closes her eyes, listening to her music. ]

You really thought I'd be out clubbing?

I thought you'd have something better to do by now.

[Better than hanging out with grumpy old men or sitting alone on your farm with your stupid little goat. But who's he to tell her how to live her life, especially when she's lived so many other variations of it by now. As he sits he looks to her hand, and then to her.]

I don't know how to do this anymore. The caring about people thing. Everyone I knew died off and I thought I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I figured when I died I for sure didn't need to worry about it anymore. But here we are.

[He cares about people again.]

Turns out dying just complicates it even more.

[ willa understands, to a certain degree. she dies so young every time that more often than not she is the one doing the leaving but then every lifetime she has to know new people, care about new people, people she will leave, people she won't get to keep. she has the knights, but even they drift apart. theo's fucked off to some cave by himself, fabian and pia seem like the first to disappear, lark... lark was never within reach but willa still tries. if it weren't for sylvie and emmet, willa would have fucked off the same as theo.

(that's what she tells herself, but it's not true. her power comes with a compulsion to help people, caring is painful when the people you love will die, no matter how hard you try to stop it, but love is brutal and necessary and willa perseveres. every lifetime.)

she hums, a soft agreement, eyes still closed because she's a coward. ]

I'm not asking you to be good at it. You don't even have to care, I already know I'm hard to tolerate. This can be entirely transactional if you want, I'll still heal you, no strings. But if you are going to, I don't know, fucking begrudgingly care about me, then... don't act like you don't. Just be my friend, or whatever.

[There's silence for a moment - she's giving him an out in more ways than one - an out of everything, an out from being walled up within himself. It's a lot to flip through and digest but they're probably a little too far past keeping it transactional or cutting anything off. Which is why he rubs his hand over his chin, grumbling something in the back of his throat as he looks away. He keeps his eyes off on the other side of the yard, and his voice is even and calm, slower than it needs to be:]

I don't act like - believe it or not, this is my fucking caring face.

[No bite, no growl, just - a sigh.]

I'm just not equipped to lose anyone else right now. So you'll have to pull through with your half of the agreement and not do anything stupid or dangerous if I can't do the same.

[ willa's lost track of how many times she has died, but they all have one thing in common and lark isn't here. as long as she is alive here, lark can't end the world and he can't kill them to start over because he is missing one piece. her thumb traces the line of her ring. she hates being parted from them, but maybe it's for the fucking best.

maybe she'll see what middle age looks like on this face finally. ]

Do you think I'm particularly irresponsible?