knewaguy | (no subject)

you just said it yourself

[ dot dot dot. ]

This shouldn't be so hard. I'm literally just trying to tell you a joke. I just want to tell you a joke.
I have a punchline ready and waiting for you, nestled in the palm of my hand, all wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow, and every time I try to offer it to you, you slap me in the face.
And you know what? Frankly, it's not even that funny! This is a pretty fucking bad joke!
The more you drag this out, the more buildup there's gonna be. The higher the expectations are gonna be set. I simply will not be able to satisfy all the hype.
I'm telling you now that the payoff isn't worth the effort and frustration of trying to set up the fucking premise.
There's a ceiling. I want you to say it's a good ceiling. That's all you have to do.
I am begging you to give me this.

fine
8/10

Thank you. Jesus.

So. Wow. That's a high mark! Not a ten out of ten, though? Huh.
I guess you could say that it's not your favorite ceiling...

[ pause for effect. ]

... but it sure is up there.

[ do you get it. that wasn't fucking worth it. ]

why can't you go out and smoke up or drink like other kids your age

Because my only friend these days is a seventy year old man?
Wait, no. Scratch that.
What I meant to say was - who says I don't? You don't know.

[long delay like this might be it. over. kaput]

you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

[ ....... he does know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts, but he also knows how joke delivery works. after sullenly setting his phone down and getting a surprise notif, stiles is a little too happy to ruin the joke. ]

Nope! Tell me.

Edited 2020-03-25 23:19 (UTC)

beer nuts are 1.50 a pound. deer nuts are just under a buck

[God. He sighs, in real time. But bc he has a feeling:]

You manage to get your adderall yet by any chance?

Hahaha.
Look at you! What a joker. Well-executed delivery, a solid punchline. 10/10.
Is this what we're doing now? Sharing jokes? Because I've got more.
My favorite time on the clock is 6:30. Hands down.

[ that's about as much of a joke as the ceiling one, but. anyway. moving on. ]

Nnno.
I know it's just a matter of, like, ordering it from the pharmacy, but the whole place creeps me out. Not exactly the most trustworthy place in town.
Besides, adderall stopped working for me back home, so. Pretty sure the whole slowly atrophying brain thing screwed up my chemistry.

there are other types of healers. Like us. Sleepers?
you could try those

[But what he meant was...]

You seem bored enough to be telling me jokes
I'll give you twenty bucks to wash my car if you're that desperate for something to do

Maybe.

[ that's not happening either, though. he's too stubborn and distrusting to do this on his own. ]

I think child labor laws are supposed to protect me from unsolicited offers in unregulated workspaces.
But I'm willing to avoid reporting you to the authorities if you come back with an offer that's marginally less insulting than twenty bucks.

I don't go higher than twenty five
in fact, you make me ask again and it goes down to $15

25 is fine. Anything more than 20 is victory enough, really.
Just throw in some lemonade and a couple of orange slices while I'm committing myself to all this intense, physical labor and I'm your guy.

Good, we're in agreement

You do a good enough job i'll even give you a ham sandwich and some fucking sugar cookies. Happy?

Wow. Lavish. Be still, my beating heart.

When musicians perform on stage, the sound bounces around the room off the walls.
When a pigeon performs on stage, the sound does not bounce.
This is because

[ heh ]

a coo sticks.

Remember how I was gonna tell you to go fuck yourself like 1.5 jokes ago?

Before I promised to wash your car for you?

Before you got me to pay you more money to wash my car than I offered, yeah.

[ ... ]

Oh no. It seems I've run out of jokes.

Good, cause I was almost out of patience.

You need anything else right now, Stiles?
For real, not just to fuck around

[ i just want someone to talk to wouldn't be a hard thing to say. i'm scared of being alone while i'm sick is pretty straightforward, too. honesty might be enough to keep logan around for a while, but.

maybe it wouldn't be, either. stiles doesn't really want to find out, so. ]

Nah, I'm done. I'll leave you to it.
I'll swing by later tonight to take care of your car?
Or... later today, I guess. Given the endless sunlight thing.

OK

[A delay. Normally he'd just let that go, talk to the kid when he sees him but he feels? like he needs? to offer just one more shred of something. Kid's definitely got like zero friends here, so.]

what do you eat on your burgers.

Edited 2020-03-27 06:35 (UTC)

Uh.

[ dot dot dot. ]

Like. Everything? Seriously, everything. Just load it up with whatever you've got and I'll be happy.
Two patties is ideal. Two big, greasy, bad-for-your-heart red meat patties.
Why?

Edited 2020-03-27 06:45 (UTC)