(no subject)

[knewaguy]

deerington | inbox for James "Logan" Howlett

Comments

un: mischief | text

[hyperactive]

Hey.
Do me a favor real quick?

[knewaguy]

what is it

[hyperactive]

Look up for me. Look at your ceiling.
Rate it for me? Out of 10.

[knewaguy]

No

[hyperactive]

Just

[ god ]

Out of ten. Say a number.

[knewaguy]

what are you doing

[hyperactive]

Holy shit, okay, I'll do it for you.
"I'd rate my ceiling 8 out of 10". Say that. Literally just say that.
This will be over so much faster if you just

[ GOD ]

James.

[knewaguy]

you just said it yourself

[hyperactive]

[ dot dot dot. ]

This shouldn't be so hard. I'm literally just trying to tell you a joke. I just want to tell you a joke.
I have a punchline ready and waiting for you, nestled in the palm of my hand, all wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow, and every time I try to offer it to you, you slap me in the face.
And you know what? Frankly, it's not even that funny! This is a pretty fucking bad joke!
The more you drag this out, the more buildup there's gonna be. The higher the expectations are gonna be set. I simply will not be able to satisfy all the hype.
I'm telling you now that the payoff isn't worth the effort and frustration of trying to set up the fucking premise.
There's a ceiling. I want you to say it's a good ceiling. That's all you have to do.
I am begging you to give me this.

[knewaguy]

fine
8/10

[hyperactive]

Thank you. Jesus.

So. Wow. That's a high mark! Not a ten out of ten, though? Huh.
I guess you could say that it's not your favorite ceiling...

[ pause for effect. ]

... but it sure is up there.

[ do you get it. that wasn't fucking worth it. ]

[knewaguy]

why can't you go out and smoke up or drink like other kids your age

[hyperactive]

Because my only friend these days is a seventy year old man?
Wait, no. Scratch that.
What I meant to say was - who says I don't? You don't know.

[knewaguy]

[long delay like this might be it. over. kaput]

[knewaguy]

you know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

[hyperactive]

[ ....... he does know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts, but he also knows how joke delivery works. after sullenly setting his phone down and getting a surprise notif, stiles is a little too happy to ruin the joke. ]

Nope! Tell me.

[knewaguy]

beer nuts are 1.50 a pound. deer nuts are just under a buck

[God. He sighs, in real time. But bc he has a feeling:]

You manage to get your adderall yet by any chance?

[hyperactive]

Hahaha.
Look at you! What a joker. Well-executed delivery, a solid punchline. 10/10.
Is this what we're doing now? Sharing jokes? Because I've got more.
My favorite time on the clock is 6:30. Hands down.

[ that's about as much of a joke as the ceiling one, but. anyway. moving on. ]

Nnno.
I know it's just a matter of, like, ordering it from the pharmacy, but the whole place creeps me out. Not exactly the most trustworthy place in town.
Besides, adderall stopped working for me back home, so. Pretty sure the whole slowly atrophying brain thing screwed up my chemistry.

[knewaguy]

there are other types of healers. Like us. Sleepers?
you could try those

[But what he meant was...]

You seem bored enough to be telling me jokes
I'll give you twenty bucks to wash my car if you're that desperate for something to do

[hyperactive]

Maybe.

[ that's not happening either, though. he's too stubborn and distrusting to do this on his own. ]

I think child labor laws are supposed to protect me from unsolicited offers in unregulated workspaces.
But I'm willing to avoid reporting you to the authorities if you come back with an offer that's marginally less insulting than twenty bucks.

[knewaguy]

I don't go higher than twenty five
in fact, you make me ask again and it goes down to $15

[hyperactive]

25 is fine. Anything more than 20 is victory enough, really.
Just throw in some lemonade and a couple of orange slices while I'm committing myself to all this intense, physical labor and I'm your guy.

[knewaguy]

Good, we're in agreement

You do a good enough job i'll even give you a ham sandwich and some fucking sugar cookies. Happy?

[hyperactive]

Wow. Lavish. Be still, my beating heart.

When musicians perform on stage, the sound bounces around the room off the walls.
When a pigeon performs on stage, the sound does not bounce.
This is because

[ heh ]

a coo sticks.

[knewaguy]

Remember how I was gonna tell you to go fuck yourself like 1.5 jokes ago?